A Really Bad Job Site

I do freelance, and many agencies will request that you list your skills, graded according to experience, years used and level of expertise. Valid requests, but some sites can be difficult to navigate or list skills that are puzzling, such as the site which presented a list of skills that were simply ridiculous.

Scan the list and have a really good laugh!

Requirements

Skill Level choices were only: 1) Beginner; 2) Intermediate; 3) Expert.

Now does one truly go from an Intermediate User to an Expert User? For example, I have been driving a car for many years, accomplished on highway, rural roads and cross-country road trips. Obviously, I am more than an Intermediate driver, but not an Expert. An Expert driver would qualify for NASCAR; clearly, I would not pretend to be an Expert.

Odd Requirements that were Actually Listed

• Year End Closings (Must we assume accounting?)
• NET (The .net environment encompasses an entire universe of languages, procedures, functions, etc., rather vague description to declare oneself an Expert.)
• 10 Hour Shift (Yes, I am an Expert at a 10 hour shift. Almost everyone can be an Expert, doesn’t mean that they are actually working.)
• 1099 Reporting (It’s about reporting freelance income. I am an Expert.)
• 12 Hour Shift (See above: 10 Hour Shift)
• 2.5G (Had to look this one up, it means bridging 2G to 3G wireless technology.)
• 8 Hour Shift (See above: 10 Hour Shift)
• AC Power Equipment (does that include hair blowers or do you mean a reciprocating saw? I can use both.)
• Actor (Yes, this skill was listed, this is not a talent agency)
• Actuate (Merriam-Webster definition: to put into mechanical action or motion. Well, we are all experts there!)
• Acuity (definition: clarity or clearness, especially of vision or do they mean Education Assessment Program?)
• Ada (Americans with Disabilities Act or American Dental Association?)

Software. They do list extensive software and programming skills, it’s about the redundancy

• Adobe-Adobe Acrobat
• Adobe-Adobe Photoshop
• Adobe-Adobe Photoshop–Alpha Channels
• Adobe-Adobe Photoshop-Clipping Paths
• Adobe-Adobe Photoshop-Cloning
• Adobe-Adobe-CMYK color correction
• Adobe-Adobe Photoshop-RGB to CMYK
  The Adobe-Adobe Photoshop list was redundant, either you know it or don’t, you can’t fake skills, use the Help Menu and wing it!)

Back to Nonsense Requirements

• Aerospace/Aircraft (That’s a rather broad spectrum of technologies to be an ‘expert’ in, or do they mean Pilots?)
• Afterhours/24x7 Weekend Coverage (See above: 10 Hour Shift)
• Alexandria (Wow! I sometimes telecommute to Alexandria, VA, however, I didn’t know that the city was a skill! Wow, I am an Expert!)

• Aperture (Do they mean digging holes or adjusting a camera lens?)
• Apparel Draping (please, I thought this was a Tech Services based site.)
• Approach (groan)
• Ariba Buyer (Is that Ariba Oil Company or Commerce Network?)
• ATM (YES! I am an Expert! I have nailed that user experience!)
• Attention to Detail (I am reading every line, retyping the ridiculous ones into the blog. That demonstrates Attention to Detail!)
• Backlog (This is not a skill that anyone wants to admit to causing!)
• Business objects (some clarity needed here. According to eHow: are computer programs or applications that companies use to manage the information their company produces.)
• Cache (the perfume or the buffer?)
• Chemical (define?)
• Clarify (Huh?)
• Climb (I use stairs, I am an Expert)
• Coaxial Cable (I have cable TV, a computer and peripheral devices that have been moved repeatedly. I have connected, disconnected, reconnected. I am an Expert.)
• Coding (Again, there are a plethora of languages, please specify, I am a novice in many.)
• Computer literate (as compared to my tenants, I am Bill Gates. Compared to Bill Gates??)
• Continuous (Yet, I continue with this list)
• Copying (I have copied more alleged Skills onto this list than I want to admit!)
• Counting (Do fingers and toes count?)
• Dell (Really?)
• Edify (Huh?)
• Employ (again, really?)
• Entertainment (Yep, Expert. That is what this blog is all about!)
• ER (does being a patient count?)
• Estimating (I estimate my freelance. Expert)
• Filing
• Forte (Huh?)
• Gateways (see Dell above, or do they mean telecommunications?)
• GI (My dad served, my son serves. Still not an Expert)
• Government (Huh? Is ANYONE an Expert?)
• Hibernate (I did not make this skill requirement up. It really was listed!)
• Lift Parcels (They also listed various weights up to 50 lbs.)
• Magic (What the heck! REALLY, they listed that!)
• Motion (An object in motion, tends to stay in motion That’s not from the commercial, it predates modern advertising.)
• Obstetrics (ROFL!)
• Oil and Gas (again, specifics are needed here.)
• Pages (What do they mean?)
• Persistence (I am so a freaking EXPERT!)
• Photoshop (They exhaustingly listed Adobe-Adobe Photoshop above. Is there another brand of Photoshop out there?)
• Pilot Lightship (I have known professional boat Pilots; I doubt this is a website that they would be using for their next job.)
• Poet (Again, are you kidding?)
• Power
• Power PC
• Prognosis
• Progress (I am making progress here) .)

Project Management

For all you PMs out there, this site should apologize!

Can you: Multi-Task; Technical; Gantt Charts; Implementation Plans; Long Projects; Medium Projects; Short Projects; Deadlines; Organization Skills; Control; Estimating; Engaging Stakeholders; Sizing; and so much more.

More Nonsense

• Push/Pull (Again, are you kidding?)
• Razor/Knife
• Sendmail (Yes, one-word. Duh.)
• Tivoli (name of the Student Union Building at Metropolitan State College in Denver, CO)
• Use Feet
• Use Hands for grasping
• Wrap Skids (Sadly, I actually do know how to do that.)

If anyone else has stumbled upon such a site, please share the pain!