Merry Christmas 2012

Fantasy:

“‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.”

Reality Check:

Hey, I don’t know about YOUR home, but parents have gone to ridiculous lengths hiding bikes, Big Wheels and Xboxes in attics and crawl spaces and now will be up very late reading instructions that read like the Book of Leviticus or a gov’t spec sheet, on how to assemble that stuff!

Plus cleaning the house…

Plus cooking (even if you are not hosting, you are bringing)…

Re-cleaning the kitchen…

Running to the mall one-more-time…

Dealing with children/grandchildren who are sugared-up!

So to all my friends, particularly the women who orchestrate the Holidays…

Merry Christmas and may God doubly bless you and your families on this day and the coming New Year.

From the Apartment Diva!

Nor’easter, Dec 2012

Just Christmas eve, I passed out Christmas cards for each tenant, along with a letter from the owners to remove ALL furniture, plants, doodads from the decks until the Spring. Along the beach, we get such wicked winds that just slam into the building and they will pummel us all day and night. We have watched chairs bounce and skip down the decks, grateful that it did not flip over the railings to the cars below.

And right on cue, the day after Christmas we were slammed with the THIRD No’easter since Hurricane Sandy!

Really! THREE No’easters!!

No’easter Definition

For those of you who have no clue how nasty these storms are, here is a definition from Weather.com

“These winter weather events are notorious for producing heavy snow, rain, and oversized waves that crash onto Atlantic beaches, often causing beach erosion and structural damage. Wind gusts associated with these storms can exceed hurricane force in intensity.”

The wind gusts hit 70mph. It felt like a raging bull elephant battering my living room wall. I didn’t trust the windows. The dog hid from the storm and I wanted to join him.

One storm door blew away and ended up on a neighbor’s deck, minor damage only. Whew! Not a car windshield.

The wind actually moved a refrigerator that was stored outside. I’m not kidding.

Yet, during the height of the storm, tenants came knocking on my door. Outside of the poor guy who was locked out, please use common sense, stay inside and use your phone to tell us of emergencies. Because frankly, there is a difference between a problem and an emergency: floods are emergencies, needing to borrow something is not!

Up and down our coast, towns have been pushing mountains of sand trying to rebuild our valuable sand dunes, all in vain.

Mother Nature went on another rampage: floods, power outages, trees down, ice, multiple car wrecks.

We’ve had enough.

The Sobber—Selfish Parking

We are all supposed to be adults, over 21, so why do I feel like a playground monitor settling petty squabbles among cliquish children?! We are all neighbors, be nice!

Yes, this was the infamous Sobber, again, the one who hammered the nails through the tile grout: and STILL, nothing, ever is her fault.

My brother-in-law is moderately handicapped and owns a Go-Cart. In order to keep it parked outside and sheltered, we drive it through one parking space and under the outside stairwell. So on the days he plans to drive it, I will park my car there or we will save the parking spot with cones. Although, Mr. I-Am-In-Charge, will needlessly keep the cones out there 24/7, blocking valuable parking spaces.

I guess that irritated The Sobber, as her SUV was parked across 2 spaces, which is odd because she always parked on the street: Now I had to trek up to the 3rd floor and knock on her door.

Me: “You are taking up 2 spaces, please move your car.”

The Sobber: “It’s not my fault, I had to park sideways so I wouldn’t block my friend’s car.”

Me: “Then use the parking spaces on the side, but move your car now.”

The Sobber: “But my SUV won’t fit. It’s really long, I’ll block the other cars.”

Me, walking away: “It is not my problem, buy a smaller one, park on the street, but move your car now, I am in no mood for your games.”

Yeah, that annoyed her, but I kept walking away and she kept whining, “It’s not my fault.”

I admit, I did gesture with my hand, you know, the “talk to the hand” sign—not the other gesture. Ha!

The next day, her friend’s car was parked there, tires way over the line, taking up 2 spaces. This one always parks along the sides of the lot, so I know this is a game. I maneuvered my car right up against her driver’s door. Yeah, she is very slim, but no way could she squeeze between the two cars. I made sure that she would have to climb through her passenger door the next morning.

Guess they both got the message, this problem ended.

This was not the Sobber’s last problem, but that’s another post.

She did move, I don’t miss her.

Tenants: I Am NOT Your Mommy

On Being an Apartment Manager

I am part project manager, part playground monitor, part social worker, part therapist. This is not an easily defined position, but when people are needy, please learn: “I have a low tolerance for ongoing, self-inflicted drama.”

Drama

If you come to me with your problems, repeating the problems then crying about the resulting drama, let me make this clear: “I have a low tolerance for ongoing, self-inflicted drama.”

Whatever the cause, if you pour out your problems to me while trapping me in the laundry room or at my kitchen table, you may end up in this blog. Fair warning.

Stagger Lee

Yes, that is my nickname for this fellow. He drinks a bit and endlessly relives his glory days, very embellished and long-winded stories, then cries that he is not responsible for any of his drama and woe. Moments after I open my front door, he would appear and park himself at my kitchen table or just stroll in-and-out my door all day long.

Me (at 7:30 am with Stagger Lee at my door): “Excuse me, I haven’t brushed my teeth yet and you want coffee and conversation?

Stagger Lee: “Well, I have been up since 5:30 am.”

Me: “Whoopeedo for you! I was up until 3 am taking care of small emergencies; I didn’t knock on your door!”

Stagger Lee: “Well, you could have.”

Me: Sigh. This conversation was doomed from the start.

After suffering through his sad monologues for several weeks, I gave strong, unwanted advice regarding responsibility and to finish the work which we paid him to do.

I confess, I might have been snarky.

He was offended.

He complained to the Business Manager and my brother-in-law that I talk to him as if I was his mother, that he has a mother and that he doesn’t need another one.

Was he looking for more sympathy from other sources?

Whatever, it worked. He no longer complains to me. Hallelujah!

Hormones—New Woman in Town

A while back, a new woman moved in, eager to make new friends. Guy tenants have hormones; they are like sharks with fresh blood in the water: They all were eager to make friends with this new woman.

Can you guess the hormone-ridden problems brewing?

New woman was at my table, very upset, asking me to step in and speak to one of the guys, tell him to back off.

No way am I wading into that bag of snakes!

My solution was to tell her to stop sending mixed messages, they are dudes, they have hormones. Do not invite them in your home; do not hang out in their homes. Dudes think with their testosterone.

Said advice was not wanted, she just wanted to vent, complained that I talked to her like her mother, not a friend.

Oh, I misunderstood, you wanted to just complain and have me sympathize.

See above: “I have a low tolerance for ongoing, self-inflicted drama.”

Marital Discord

This was a tense moment at a friend’s house. My friend was stomping around her home, fluffing pillows with a vengeance while complaining about her husband.

I was her captive houseguest. Drat.

It was obvious she expected me to ‘agree’ with her complaints. I wouldn’t.

I merely stated, “I have lived long enough to know, that when someone is complaining about their partner, to nod my head sympathetically and say nothing, because later, you two will make up, then blame me for everything that was said.”

She wasn’t happy, but no way was I falling for that trap.

Conclusion

Yes, I have my needy moments, sometimes; but hey, they just do not make this blog! It is about THEM, not me. Perks of being the author.

The Dreaded Blue Screen of Death

Last on List…Computer Problem.

My computer is password protected, firewalled and back-upped 3-ways to Sunday. No one touches it, when I leave the room, it is locked down, so when it gets a glitch, I can’t blame it on the cat. (See video on the Cat Burglar.)

The first sign was Microsoft Word crashing, then the email freezing, but Microsoft installed a fix and I thought that I was done.

Not on the List was the Infamous Blue Screen of Death!

The computer froze. NO response.

Did a cold reboot.

Waited.

Waited.

Now, I do have a much underused degree from DeVry, I know some stuff and have books for the rest, but common sense usually prevails.

After an hour of all system checks, it ain’t looking good.

Decide. Try Restore Point? Nope.

Decide. Back-up. Yeah, that 50 gig portable hard drive will bail me out.

Because there is nothing more evil in cyberspace than the dreaded Blue Screen of Death!

The Junk Drawer to the Rescue

This is where ya find out just how organized you truly are. We all start out with good intentions of keeping cables, cords and miscellaneous computer stuff sorted. We all end up with the dreaded junk drawer.

Confess, you are no better.

The best investment was acquiring those black, zippered folders just for computer discs. If you don’t own one, get one now, because it saved my sanity. I actually had thrown all my discs, and the code keys into two different binders. I had panicked, did not know where the *&#@ to start, but as I pulled out these binders, everything I needed was there: Although, mark the BOOT DISC in BLACK marker, not light blue marker, so that you will find it right away!

Still, it was hours of backing up and painstakingly reinstalling everything.

Now, can I get a little sympathy? Has anyone else lost seemingly days out of their lives putting a computer back together?

Has anyone seen their lives flash before their eyes at that thought of LOSING everything?!

Annoying Help from Pseudo Geeks

Has anyone dealt with the annoying helpful comments such as, "Well, why don't you just get one of the little thumb drives to back up your files?"

Really, a THUMB DRIVE would have solved my Blue Screen problem? As if that little baby (and I have a few of them) would hold my files? My software? Why do people feel compelled to fill the air with empty advice and pretend that they have solved a problem!

For example: Years ago, when I was a designer, a pressman brought in a bunch of old computer magazines, gave them to my boss and stated, "This will help solve the problems."

Said pressman couldn't tell an ICU from a CPU, didn't even know if I ran a Mac or PC, nor the software that I ran. But he was going to be the hero to 'solve my design problems.' Wow.

I did tell the pressman and owner that those magazines were like using a lawnmower guide to repair a press, then I quizzed them to show me exactly WHERE in those magazines the problems were solved. Oh, and the fact that in 20 odd years of designing, only ONE pressman had a daily problem getting any job off a press, me thinks his sole expertise was in blaming others for his gross incompetence.

Sadly, his silence was only temporary.

The Infamous To Do List

Murphy’s Law Prevails…

There is no typical day at the apartments, however, this one was just long and frustrating.

I had a List

Up early, I had great ambitions, but that didn’t pan out. No surprise to me. Sigh.

Aside from this job at the apartments, I also freelance as an editor/writer, mostly technical stuff, and yes, I need to put up a link, that is on the infamous To Do List.

This Morning’s List: Submit Bio

I needed to rewrite the resume, again, and create a synopsis of skills for a head hunter so that he may showcase his talent on his website and company brochure.

Yeah! I got picked!

Now in 25 words or less state my skills and achievements.

Go ahead, YOU do it!

I am a wordsmith, it shouldn’t be that hard. Thought about it all weekend, thought I would just pop it into the form and hit submit. A current headshot was also required. Darn.

I had to call two business contacts to ask for the exact formal titles of what I edited. Many documents are legal proposals and contracts for the Federal Government, military and navy. Need to be very precise here: integrity matters.

Microsoft Word Crashed. Twice. AAAARRRGH!

Deadline is 12 noon.

Must recreate the file.

Check, recheck, compose email.

Website Crashed. Really?!

Okay, bad luck comes in three’s. This was Number Three. I should be good.

One half hour later, successfully submitted email and checked with recruiter. Made deadline. Whew.

In the Interim…

Now the tenants are well aware, that if I am at the computer in my little home office, do not expect anything more than a wave. My brother-in-law will handle whatever they need.

But their dog came in. This dog is smart, she demands her treat. My dog is smarter, he knows treats are required. They are persistent and begin begging and pacing around me. I caved and they got their required treats.

They leave.

Not So Helpful Offers of Help

Other tenants are in and out, with problems or offering help as I am trying to fix below. PUHLEASE don’t help me! Please DO NOT offer your advice! I could write a whole other blog on the truly dumb suggestions and equally dumb screw ups people have done with a computer.

Geeks out there are now nodding their heads in sympathy!

Next on the List. Dumb fixes.

I needed to fix the telephone wiring.

Yes, on top of showing empty apartments, screening applicants, answering complaints, doing small repairs, I am the in-house computer tech. I do have a much-underused degree from DeVry University, but that doesn’t mean I want to spend hours chasing down a networking problem.

We had changed cable providers, bundled the phones, fax, peripheral devices, and briefly everything was fine, but then everything stopped. After plugging and replugging peripheral devices, I finally went out and purchased 25’ of new phone line and ran that under and around cabinetry, being very careful not to crimp any wires. That fixed the phone, but now the fax and other devices were out. Darn.

Do you know how annoying it is to move cabinets, again, then crawl under and behind them to recheck and test all connections?

Do you know how dumb ya feel when you discover that you had reconnected the damaged line to the fax machine? Because that is what I had done. Duh!

Evening

And that was my day. I started by 9 a.m. planted in my little corner office, great hopes, a short list and thoughts of having some time to myself. I do live on a beach that I only see and rarely get to walk on. Sigh.

The next day wasn’t any easier…see next post Dreaded Blue Screen of Death.