How to Deal with (Some, Just Some) Difficult People

This trick will not work with those irrational fools who drive us to fantasies of pitching them off roof tops. Not worth the jail time.

Heed the words of a wise man who wrote Proverbs 29:9, “Do not contend with a fool, the fool will either rage or laugh, and there will be no peace!” (paraphrased)

But I digress, again.

At your next business function, wedding, funeral or reunion, to deflect negative attention, after the initial hug or handshake, The Trick is to ask THEM a slew of questions:

• You look fantastic! How’s the new job? (add, you really deserved that promotion, knew you had skills, it’s about time your hard work paid off);
• Great shoes, where did you buy them? (dress, hair, jewelry, whatever vanity hits);
• How’s the kids, grandkids? (that could take a looong time);
• So how was your vacation? (even longer time).

Get THEM to talk about themselves, ooh and aah at the right moments, keep flipping the subject back to THEM, then when they finally walk away, THEY will think you are wonderful!

Because unless you have said something brilliant, or really foolish, after the first few moments, it is all about THEM! Keep them talking about themselves: remember they may also have problems they don't want to discuss.

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Our lives can change in a flash: divorce, job loss, health issues, whatever hardship, can make us want to avoid social encounters and any questions about us. But hey, you don’t gotta explain a thing to anyone. Put on your best duds, remember what you are worth, what you have accomplished, and remember to smile!

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My neighbor was apprehensive about her high school reunion. She was nervous as serious health issues had drained all their resources, plus she had gained weight and she was dreading the ‘comparisons’ with the imaginary successes of everybody else.

I gave her that advice, practiced it with her, then reminded her of all that she is now, then urged her to smile, and to just enjoy a night out with her husband.

The next day she came back and thanked me for that simple advice. People were so glad to see her, memories were shared and her anxiety evaporated.

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Give people a chance to surprise you.

And for those jerks who comment on your weight, just reply, “Better the fat on my ass than yours between the ears.”

Sunflowers!

This past winter was so hard on my front rock garden: not only did my beautiful rose bushes die, but the bushes that I had planted to protect them from the ocean winds shriveled up too. So sad.

But we have a husband/wife team doing a bit of work around here, and the wife (Diane) took it upon herself to replant the front rock garden. Before I even knew it, she had dragged pots of flowers from home, moved around a mountain of stones, and then planted lots of stuff. I don’t even know the names of all this stuff, but I am amazed at what has been growing…7 foot tall Sunflowers!

Aren’t they gorgeous?! Diane is even jealous, the ones she gave me outshine the ones she kept at home!

Strangers are stopping by to admire, even the road crew from the gas company had walked over to check them out.

They just love the Salt Air!

Another (Self-Righteous) Electric Thief

This tenant acted like an Eagle Scout, and wound really tight: A strict, no-holds-barred against those who crossed the line.

Guess who repeatedly crossed the line? No surprise.

One day the cops followed him home, with a drug dog. However, no arrests, no shiny silver bracelets, and never an explanation.

Eagle Scout badge slightly tarnished.

But I digress: this is about stealing electric.

Eagle Scout called: “angry that his power was out.”

Me: “Check your fuse box. Flip the switches.”

Trick didn’t work; I went down to his apartment. It was cold outside, there are NO inside hallways.

He is angry. Of course, we are to blame.

I walked back out into the cold, down the walkway, down a flight of stairs, back down the walkway to the furnace room.

There was a yellow tag on his meter. Hmmmm?

I flipped it and called him.

No luck.

I went back upstairs only to hear him complain to me (my fault of course), and then angrily he called the power company.

Ooops! He never put the power on in his name.

Oooops! You were clearly told by me when you looked at the apartment, reminded when you paid your security, reminded when you moved in: “You must put the electric in YOUR name!” Tenants PAY for their Electric!

Thank you. It was cold. I got a free Stairmaster workout, again.

Did he apologize for stealing 3 months of power? For being rude and accusing me of incompetence?

I called the Business Manager, he owes someone money.

He moved out a year later, not missed, and was not even nice when he left. And that is another story.

So I Tapped Your Bumper

It was a long traffic light, made even longer as a train had just pulled into the station at the end of the block.

• Yeah, I thought I had a chance to sip my fresh and hot Dunkin coffee.
• The lid was loose,
• hot coffee splashed on my thigh,
• knee-jerk reaction pulled my foot off the brake.

At idle speed, my car rolled into the car in front of me.

First thoughts were: Crap, that hot coffee on my leg hurts!

Second thought: Crap, these are new khaki slacks, oil from coffee will stain.

Third thought: I hit a car?!

Threw the car into reverse, backed up a foot and jumped out of the car to survey the bumpers and to apologize to the driver.

Driver and friend of that car jumped out and began screaming obscenities!

Whoa! There was no damage. This was not a ‘whiplash’ quality bumper tap. The car was doing Idle Speed: 3 mph! Mind your manners.

I apologized, explained that hot coffee had splashed on my leg.

Both young women screamed more $%##@ insults.

I showed them said coffee stain on slacks.

More insults: “Well you are still driving, you should be careful!”

My car traveled less than 2 feet at idle speed, this was a non-issue.

I repeated, “Hot Coffee!” and got back in my car. Then I noticed the dealership tags on their license plate, they’re from Fair Lawn, NJ. And I thought: “This is why locals hate bennies. Too many tourists leave their manners at home.”

May it rain on potty-mouth’s vacation.

The NJ Gas Company Made a Boo-Boo!

I woke up this morning to the glorious sound of jackhammers, again. The Gas Company had been laying new lines across this town, but I have been assured, reassured and confirmed, that when they do shut the gas off:

• The company will inform us ahead of time so that the tenants would be prepared. They even confirmed exactly WHERE the shut off valve was located at my building.
• Assured me that a qualified team of workers will come out and personally light each and every stove, furnace and water heater in this apartment complex.
• I had NOTHING to worry about!

Is anyone familiar with Murphy’s Law?

To set the background properly, I have been derailed by a Summer Cold. The only cure is to buy a bottle of liquid Dayquil, insert straw and sip all day to keep symptoms at bay. This job does not allow sick days. If something is broke, it gotta be fixed regardless of how crappy I feel. Sigh.

But back to the Gas Company. They had been working in front of the building next door. They did not alert me, I wasn’t concerned…until I got the first and second calls from tenants about the smell of gas and their stoves being out.

Do you know what happens when you call the Gas Company’s Emergency Line? The recorded message warns you, that In Case of Gas Leak, call the Emergency Line and it gives the very same #$r%%# number to call, followed by a recorded list of ‘your party’s extension.’ Aaaargggh!

I left the phone call problem to my brother-in-law and grabbed all the keys, a big stick lighter and began the hunt thru EVERY apartment for unlit stoves.

People! Gas stoves leaking gas into apartments, some with kids and pets, kinda freaked me out!

3 flights of stairs. 26 units. I should have legs like a gymnast.

Lighting the stove top pilot lights are not a problem, it is the friggin’ oven pilot light that sucks. One has to lie on the floor, stick a lighter all the way in the back of the broiler while turning the gas on! Those burners have been known to PUFF a lot of flames really fast. I value the hair on my arms, eyebrows and eyelashes.

To NJ Natural Gas: A 2-hour response to a gas emergency is NOT acceptable.

Gratefully the Gas worker who responded is a neighbor from the next building. The Gas Company actually told him that they turned the gas off to HIS building, not ours. Remarkable, since HIS building is total electric, not one gas line anywhere. Yippee.

So, NJ Natural Gas I gotta ask:

• Your records state that you turned off the gas to a Total Electric Building, yet, your crack team of Stove Re-lighters did not see fit to check that their stoves, water heaters and furnaces were re-lit in said building. Oops.
• It took over 2 hours for someone to respond! We have children and pets in apartments with UNLIT gas stoves. I was a tad concerned.

PS: There have been people, over the years, which have griped or bragged, that they could do my job better. Yeah, come spend a day, lying on some not-too-clean kitchen floors lighting pilot lights. I still have a crappy summer cold. I took another shower. I wrote this blog. It was cathartic.