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Saturday, July 12, 2014

So I Tapped Your Bumper

It was a long traffic light, made even longer as a train had just pulled into the station at the end of the block.

  • Yeah, I thought I had a chance to sip my fresh and hot Dunkin coffee.
  • The lid was loose,
  • hot coffee splashed on my thigh,
  • knee-jerk reaction pulled my foot off the brake.

At idle speed, my car rolled into the car in front of me.

First thoughts were: Crap, that hot coffee on my leg hurts!

Second thought: Crap, these are new khaki slacks, oil from coffee will stain.

Third thought: I hit a car?!

Threw the car into reverse, backed up a foot and jumped out of the car to survey the bumpers and to apologize to the driver.

Driver and friend of that car jumped out and began screaming obscenities!

Whoa! There was no damage. This was not a ‘whiplash’ quality bumper tap. The car was doing Idle Speed: 3 mph! Mind your manners.

I apologized, explained that hot coffee had splashed on my leg.

Both young women screamed more $%##@ insults.

I showed them said coffee stain on slacks.

More insults: “Well you are still driving, you should be careful!”

My car traveled less than 2 feet at idle speed, this was a non-issue.

I repeated, “Hot Coffee!” and got back in my car. Then I noticed the dealership tags on their license plate, they’re from Fair Lawn, NJ. And I thought: “This is why locals hate bennies. Too many tourists leave their manners at home.”

May it rain on potty-mouth’s vacation.



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