Parking Lot Wars—MOVE the Moving Van

So we spotted a small moving van pulling into our lot: Not a surprise, we knew that a tenant would be moving out any day. What was odd, the truck was sorta catty-cornered, blocking the dumpster and with its back-end hanging over the sidewalk. The tailgate wasn’t aimed towards our building, but the one next door: Those tenants use our parking lot and fill our dumpster, then self-righteously defend their rights to do so.

So I walked out onto the deck to see if it is one of our tenants.

Me (Thinking the van was for a tenant.): “There is room for you to pull into the lot.”

Dude: “No it’s fine here, we’re just unloading.”

Me: “Where?”

Dude, points to the building next door and states: “We just have to carry a few things over there.”

Me: “You are using my lot and you are moving next door?”

Dude: “Yeah.”

Me: “This parking lot is for our tenants. They need to be able to pull their cars into the lot.”

Dude: “There’s room.”

Me (Really, because only a motorcycle will squeeze between your van and the back end of MY car!): “No. You need to park the van on the street. Double-park. It shouldn’t be a problem if it is only a few minutes.”

Yes, that was sarcasm. If he doesn't care about blocking our lot, should I care about him getting a ticket for being double-parked?

Dude is now relaying this conversation to his buddy. I can hear their annoyance.

I know, I am being unreasonable; after all, he will only be a FEW minutes.

Aarrgh! They are moving into another building and think that blocking our parking lot is acceptable?!

Mr. I'm-In-Charge

I came back inside and immediately the phone rings: It is Mr. I'm-In-Charge. Of course, he saw it all, wants to know what it was all about, and needs to discuss it. He is ready to take charge, as only he can handle every situation.

Sorry to tell ya, I already did. All by myself!

Yeah, I know, I’m just a girl. Sigh.

Electric Thieves—The Troll

Yes, we have had some slick, fast talking people slip thru here. Some even have even been given glowing references from former landlords! Me thinks that landlord was gleefully popping the champagne at the hope of unloading that tenant onto someone else!

The deal with the electric company is: once a tenant moves out and cuts off the electric, the billing switches back to the apartment complex, then of course, when a new tenant comes in, they will turn the electric back on in their name.

Working the System

Obviously, glitches have happened, as several tenants have never turned the electric on in their names.

We had a particularly nasty tenant, drank a lot, and was belligerent. Heck, his nickname was The Troll.

Theft by Deception

Face it, when someone is sneaking electric services, it is theft by deception.

We found out that he never turned the electric on in his name. We had words and flipped the switch that put him in the dark.

He broke into the machine room and turned it back on. Like we wouldn’t notice the lights and TV on? Oh, and he was stealing cable.

The Troll's Demands

So one night, we got the complaints that The Troll was drunk and knocking on doors looking for food. That he hadn’t eaten all day and that he was hungry.

Really? Ya obviously had money for that 40 ya drank and smokes. Me thinks his priorities are backwards.

So we confronted him outside, told him that if he continues banging on doors that we would call the police. Then I asked how his electric was back on. He claimed he didn’t know, that it just came on . . . all by itself! Of course, it was magic.

He then threatened me with a restraining order. Okay, he was drunk, intimidating tenants and now threatening me. He needed a reality check.

The Police Came

Sad to say, they were absolutely no #$@ help whatsoever! They challenged our authority as apartment managers and demanded a business card to prove it. (BTW, ANYONE can make ANY business card claiming ANYTHING they want!! It doesn’t legitimatize a #$#$ thing!) We are on record with the Township and the Business Office, we have tenant records and all the keys to the building. We are the door that police knock on for information. And now you are turning on us?!

It got worse.

We are told that being drunk on private property is not a crime. We are told that since the Troll has friends among the tenants, he is not committing a crime banging on doors demanding food.

Talk about empowerment! The Troll was free to be drunk and obnoxious!

About the electric: they refuse to arrest him for ‘theft by deception,’ instead they demand that I leave the electric on and something bizarre about it being illegal to deny people that service.

So the power company is committing a crime each time they cut off a deadbeat?

Power Company Called

Yep, they came and pulled the meter. That didn’t quite solve the problem as the Troll stole power cords and plugged them in each night. We stole them back. It was exhausting, as if I want to go in the alleyway every night to check his back windows for light.

Expensive Conclusion

All the hidden costs:

The Troll stole hundreds of $$ of electricity from the owners. The candles he later used ruined the new carpeting, plus the unimaginable fire hazard.

We had to pay for a licensed electrician and the power company to come back to reinstall the meter.

It is difficult and expensive to evict a tenant.

Good tenants had to endure his tantrums and his knuckle-dragging friends creeping around, climbing thru windows until late in the night.

It is hard to keep and attract good tenants when a troll like this has ‘rights’ and we had none.

I will always remember the name of the officer that threw us under the bus with this Troll.

Expect No Privacy

Secrets DO NOT stay secret for long around here!

I tell tenants, that 70% of all stuff will get back to me: Someone will always throw someone else under the bus, but then they will be buddies and hang out the next day. Go Figure. I am not that forgiving!

Yep, Playground Monitor is my other title.

Rumors

People, puhleaze! All your front doors open onto a common walkway/deck and ALL face the parking lot. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the cliques, the buddies, the alliances and from whence the rumors began. That is, if the occasional shouting match from the decks to the parking lot below weren’t a clue.

Marital Problems

They are the toughest. We know before the hubby does who is zooming who. Worse, the hubby usually considers the ‘other guy’ to be his friend, they hang out and even work together.

Can you not see the disaster coming? Again!

A few years ago, it was like a Jerry Springer episode with the boyfriend leaping over the 2nd railings down to the parking lot.

The adults were ‘adultering’ like jack rabbits.

Their grown children were stopping by, bellowing at the boyfriend.

The grandchildren were crying. (Why would you drag them along?)

The police were called, a lot.

They all moved. Divorce followed. Sadly, the fatal attraction couple is still together, and one of them wanted to Friend me on Facebook? Why? Yeah, I found the “Block” switch on Facebook, then filled in a few other names as a preemptive strike.

Roommate(s) du jour

We’ve had our share of single tenants with a revolving roommate door. First of all, we had rented to a single person, because if we had seen that roommate(s), we would’ve killed your application.

Of course, the knuckle-dragger is just staying with you until his place is ready.

Of course, he is only visiting (it’s been several months).

Of course, the friends who stop by very late at nite and only stay a minute aren’t a concern.

Of course, the fact that the recyclable bin is suddenly overflowing with liquor bottles is merely a coincidence.

We don’t like drama. Domestic issues, police at midnite. Locks being changed—several times.

Because why bother? Next week it’s a new face, same problem.

Maybe these lovelorn tenants need to raise their standards a tad.

We’re Just Friends

There’s another kind of problem: We are just friends.

Yeah, and I have a condo on the Brooklyn Bridge to sell ya.

“We are just friends” doesn’t fool anyone when you are standing shoulder-to-shoulder, leaning in to each other, smiling and sharing a smoke.

Same dude also has a tramp sneaking in with him that I supposedly don’t know about. Ha! Busy dude.

Thin Walls ‘n Gossip

Need I say more. If you can hear your neighbor’s music and TV thru the walls, ya might want to keep it down when entertaining late at nite.

As I stated at the beginning. . . Expect no Privacy. All doors open to the parking lot and gossip travels fast.

If you are single, don’t date another tenant.

If you are married, PLEASE don’t date another tenant.

If you are married, PLEASE don’t have your special friend stop by only during the day, then cry about the consequences!

So my advice, wish, hope for certain lovelorn tenants:

Men—tuck your testosterone back in your pocket and do not play were you live!

Women—please, men think with their testosterone, do not play were you live!

Because a love affair gone south means one of you have to move, and thus the cycle will begin again, hopefully at another complex

Music Bullies

As I have stated before, I feel like the Playground Monitor asking unruly children to Play Nice with their Neighbors.

Music

We have had many tenants who need to be reminded, repeatedly, that they pay rent for the INTERIOR walls of their apartments—that music may not INVADE their neighbors or assault us in the parking lot.

We don’t care that you used to be a professional musician that performed with whomever and whenever back in the day.

We don’t care just how great your rock/hip hop/jazz heroes are!

I like Merle Haggard, and one day I may pull out my 8-tracks and play those twangy classics just for you, EARLY in the morning as a thank you for all the very late serenades you have shared with us all!

Windshield-Shattering Sound

As I pulled in the parking lot, the Music Bully on the third floor was cranking his tunes. I bolted up 3 flights, knocked on his door and demanded that he turn it down. Now!

Music Bully: “Okay, I turned it down.”

Me: “You pay rent for the interior, NOT the parking lot. This is an ongoing problem, people are complaining about you. A lot!”

Music Bully: "Well, how come they never say anything to me?"

Me: “Dude, you are a big man, you intimidate them.”

Me thinking: Yeah, I know, I'm making this up and am picking on you. That I'm being unreasonable.

Music Bully: “Well, they should tell me, you’re the only one complaining.”

He then began blasting his car radio while he walked his dog around the corner.

Yep, playground bully.

How is it, he could barely pay rent but had an X-box and killer sound systems in his car AND apartment? How could he afford the fines each time the police were called?

Snookie

Yeah, the same one from the Hurricane Irene post. She and her posse had the same music problems. She and the Music Bully where neighbors. He would crank his music so that they could listen to it in her apartment.

Pulling the Plug

After a brutal afternoon of dueling stereos assaulting us, I grabbed my keys, walked down to the utility room and flipped their power switches.

Yes, I pulled the plug on those two.

One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississippi.

Flipped the power back on.

It was with immense satisfaction as I quietly walked back, to overhear these tenants out on the walkway asking each other if “they lost power too?”

“At the same time?!”

“Did yours come back on?!”

“What happened?!”

They were much quieter, guess they thought they blew the fuses.

Silence was golden.

Revenge was sweet.

Sadly, he is not the only music jerk, we have acquired a few more since him. . . but those stories are coming. Smile.