So I Screamed Like a Girl!Why Dead Mice Suck.

I overslept.

I heard the diesel engine of the contractor’s truck pull into the lot.

I jumped out of bed and ran BAREFOOT to open the front door.

I ran BAREFOOT back through the apartment and grabbed the keys off the kitchen table.

I put my glasses on.

I glanced back at the front door.

I saw THIS on the rug.

Yeah, it was lying on the same path I took TO the door and FROM the door: barefoot. (Now to be truthful, this isn’t the actual mouse, I used this pix from ludicdespair.blogspot.com. A dead mouse is the same regardless where it died and who took the pix!)

I screamed like a girl!

The contractor came in.

I screamed at him.

Confusion ensued.

The contractor thought I was yelling at him.

I simply did not have sufficient, coherent words to explain why I was screaming.

Finally, the contractor understood me. He said, “I thought it was a TOY mouse!”

I begged him to get rid of it.

He obliged. He laughed.

I thanked him.

The cat is in the doghouse. Like she cares.

Prospective Tenants: Sneaky Summer Rental Scams

We are a year-round only rental community–One Year Leases ONLY. However, we do receive our share of inquiries, some genuinely innocent, and a few downright sneaky.

Summer Rental Sneak #1

A woman came to the door, without an appointment, inquiring about a rental. Since I was in the middle of cooking (yes, I love my meals, burned or cold), I stepped outside to speak with her.

She is looking for rental, first she wants to do month-to-month, And THEN she will sign a yearly lease. She gave many excuses about her health (but would not share the details), relocating from Manhattan, and then wanting to check out the neighborhood before committing to a lease.

Bull! It was early Spring; she is looking for a cheap summer rental. We are 100 yards from the boardwalk and surf. We are not spending the money sprucing up an apartment, and paying the township fees only for you to decide in September that you want to move on. Did she think that she is the first person to pitch that con?

Happily, we are 100% occupied; the next vacancy will be late summer.

Moved her on.

Summer Rental Sneak #2

I was outside working on the front garden when a man stopped and inquired about summer rentals in the area. I obliged and suggested a few.

At some point, his wife walked up, and instead of joining the conversation, she stood behind him and avoided eye contact with me. That’s curiously rude.

Rude Couple: “Asked details about these units, price and availability.”

Me: “Sorry, no units currently available. We are not summer rentals, but the price would be $$$ for a year lease.”

Rude Couple: “Oh, for that price, it would be worth it for me to rent.”

Me thinking: Whoa! I am trying to build a good community with nice neighbors, the last thing I want is a vacant unit 9 months out of the year and I DO NOT want you, your family and friends descending upon us for 3 months of vacation partying, and grabbing every parking spot. Plus protecting a vacant unit. If you are RUDE to me now, how rude will you and your extended family be to other tenants when you come to visit?!

Me stated: “I’m sorry, we are fully occupied, and the units lack amenities such as dishwashers and stainless steel appliances.” The units are very nice, but I am not encouraging a 'summer rental option' to this rude couple!

Rude Couple walked away.

Whew!

Fresh Feathers Among the Chicken Cutlets!

While perusing the assorted chicken cutlets at the local BJ's (I first wrote Wegmans, sorry), I spotted this small bird! It perched atop its not-so-lucky relatives, then flitted around the meat case before taking off for the rafters.

If you look carefully, the bird is reflected in the mirrors over the meat case.

Aren't cell phone cameras wonderful, that we can capture such great moments?

Yes, Come See Our Fireworks, but Don’t Even Think of Parking in My Lot!

We are a ½ block from the beach, and a few opportunistic people have snuck into our lot—sometimes for the entire weekend! Our parking lot is tight; only one car per apartment is allowed: Rare exceptions. We have a few that think the rules don’t apply to them, and have boldly told me such. Idiots, they have made enemies among their own neighbors, and trust me, ‘blunt’ words have been exchanged.

Most days, we keep a casual eye out the window, and generally a few words will encourage people to leave, however, come big events such as the town’s fireworks, and Whoa! Everyone is entitled to use our lot.

Fourth of July

Visitors comes from miles away to see the fireworks on the beach. Great! Bring the family, but if you think that you can come to town, 20 minutes before they are scheduled to begin, and find a parking space, lots of luck! If you think you can sneak into any parking lot, forgedaboudit! We are on to your sneaky tactics and lies!

Days before the event, a few tenants were smart and began negotiating for spaces, offering to park their cars on the street so that their friends could park in the lot. A few were even smarter and told their friends to park at the train station and shuttled them to the beach. Negotiations are welcomed and honored.

About two hours before show time, I grabbed a bottle of cold water, pack of smokes and my trusty cell phone, with camera, and headed down to the parking lot. A few tenants laughed until they saw what I was up against, and they even helped me wave off those who tried to sneak into the lot.

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By 9 a.m. the parking in town was so bad, 5 blocks up from the boardwalk were fully loaded with cars. I was keeping an eye out on the street, so that I could get my car out of the lot and onto the curb. Finally, I spotted a car, right next to my driveway leaving. I grabbed my keys, flew down a flight of stairs, around the yard, into my car, gunned it into reverse, and managed to cut off a truck who was aiming for the same spot. I only know I cut off a truck because I was commended by the neighbor who saw me fly. He was proud of me! One more spot in the lot for us!

The Excuses

Rude Dude #1, pulled straight into the lot, when I yelled he stated: “I’m here to pick up my friend.”

Me: “Really, because he left and hour ago with my brother-in-law for the boardwalk. They made those plans DAYS ago.” My cell phone is now in hand: “I’ll call him for you, but you still must park elsewhere.”

Rude Dude #1, very nasty: “You gotta wait for my ‘crippled’ wife to get out of the car.”

Me, thinking, now you are playing the handicapped card, my brother-in-law is handicapped, and those two women standing with me; one is handicapped, the other has a handicapped husband. Don’t play that card with us! He did not have a handicapped placard in his windshield or a special license plate: We do!

Wife jumps out, Rude Dude leaves rubber backing out.

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The tenants who were just chatting with me, are now part of the ‘defend the parking lot’ team.

Rude Dude #2, yanks his truck into the lot heading for an empty space, we yelled, and he shouted back: “Hey, I’m just turning around.”

Bull! You didn’t just pull onto the driveway, stop, and crank your head around to back up. You were clearly gunning for the empty spaces in the back.

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Tenants are now pointing out all the cars slowly driving by, heads hanging out the car window, eyeballing the empty spots, then abruptly driving away when they spot me shaking my head. My buddies can’t believe the boldness of all the idiots who claim to be just ‘turning around’ as they whip their cars into the lot. And trust me, there were a good dozen who tried that maneuver!

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Rude Dude #3: “My buddy lives here, he said I could park here.”

Me: “Really, that buddy moved out months ago.”

Stare down, he had no answer, he left.

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One tenant asked if his daughter could park here, and we gave permission. However, the daughter AND the boyfriend pulled up in separate cars! We gave permission for ONE car, and this woman has been here often enough to know the shortage of spaces, she is not blonde, but plays the part well. They even tried telling me that they would only be 15 minutes!? I don’t know how they tell time on their planet, but 6 kids take way more than 15 minutes to drop off and pick up, PLUS watch fireworks. Aaargh! They left.

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Finally, a man managed to squeeze his motorcycle between a car and the driveway apron, and his teenage daughter was on the back, not really safe for the bike. So I looked at my friends, and then offered him a narrow spot between the dumpster and sidewalk. He thanked me and moved his bike. Hey, I owned a motorcycle back in the day, then it turned out that his son lives here, and we had a really nice chat. I let him know that from now on, that he could use this spot whenever he comes to visit. Maybe his son will start being nicer to me. Yeah, dream on.

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The only fireworks I saw this year were over the rooftop, viewed from the parking lot. It was hot, I felt grungy and my feet hurt from standing for two hours, but I was repeatedly thanked by a few tenants who were so grateful for my efforts.

It’s an odd job being an on-site manager, this customer service is a little hard to explain on a resume.

Difficult People

Face it, they will always exist.

Several years ago, I worked in a commercial print shop, and one week went from bad to worse: overlapping deadlines, problems with presses, lack of darkroom supplies and an absentee boss. And worse, a job bounced, which means, the customer rejected it: Profit gone. There were some angry words as the blame was passed around, But this time, it was the boss who screwed up, he knew it, and he was loudly sharing his misery with all his staff. Yeah.

But on the way home, I found a speaker on the radio who was so funny, so dead on true, I nearly drove off the road! She was talking about problem people, and the fact that “There will always be problem people in your life: be it your father, a brother, neighbor, co-worker, anyone.”

“But remember, YOU may be the problem person in someone else’s life!”

I laughed so hard, I had to pull over. Because that day, my boss was not happy with me, I would not back down, and for sure, he absolutely considered me his problem person of the week!

Face it people, it is so true! We complain about the idiots in our lives, whose names will always change, but they are there lurking, ready to strike. But confess, we have our moments when we give others a hard time, deserved or not. Hopefully, they are rare and apologies are gracefully given.

And if you think none of this applies to you, ever, then perhaps you are not paying enough attention to the people behind you. Ya know, kinda like that reckless driver racing up the highway, cutting in and out of lanes, not caring about the swerving, brake slamming and near crashes in their rear view mirror.

Sometimes we all need a reality/attitude check, of course, the author is the exception. Sigh, I wish, I have a few tenants that keep me humble.

Homemade Applesauce

Yes, I love to cook, and foods made from fresh fruit and veggies from the local farm markets, or even a good supermarket, beats anything store-bought hands-down.

Why waste your money on food laden with chemicals and preservatives when you can do so much better at home? Plus, if you have little ones in your home, they can help peel, sort, grate and stir, and then when they are older they will enjoy cooking their own meals.

Trust me, it works. My son was an ace at fried chicken, rice and veggies: and he learned to cook all the foods to be table-ready at the same time. I confess, I did push many meals on him until he caught wise and protested. However, he is self-sufficient in the kitchen and has surpassed me cooking on the BBQ!

Homemade Applesauce

A crockpot works best, as this sauce needs to simmer for several hours as the apples cook down and soften up. When they are fully cooked and mushy, a hand-held potato masher or an immersion blender works equally well: Ignore the lumps, a little texture is good. (Don’t worry about substituting Macintoshes or any other apple, or even throwing in some pears, these are my preferences and are readily available in my local supermarkets.)

Ingredients:

• 6-8 Gallo Apples
• 6-8 Green Apples
• 1 cup Water (experiment with Cranberry Juice, Apple Cider or even a little Orange Concentrate)
• 2-3 tablespoon Brown Sugar
• 1 tablespoon Cinnamon (or more to taste)
• ½ teaspoon salt

Slice and dice all apples into chunks (about half the size of your thumb)

If you leave the skin on the apples, be sure to slice any chunks with skin into slivers. The skin of the apple does not always break down completely and it could be choking hazard.

Place all ingredients into crockpot and stir well.

Let cook on medium 3-4 hours, stirring often.

When apples are mushy, turn off the crockpot and let cool before mixing, to avoid any splatters that could burn.

When cooled, use a potato masher, or immersion blender and mix well, then refrigerate in an air-tight container.

This will keep for 2 weeks in your refrigerator and makes a wonderful side dish for all meals, particularly roast pork or pork chops.

Enjoy!

Including the Kitchen Sink!

This day was so physically exhausting I was a @$@#$ zombie by dinnertime.

My day started very early: I drove a tenant to the hospital for some tests, stopped at the store, did five loads of wash, then drove back to hospital to picked up the tenant at the hospital. Who by the way, wasn't even ready when I was called to come get him, I had to physically hunt for him around multiple lobbies (but that is another blog).

Later we had a repair scheduled up on the third floor: Since this was a new contractor, I needed to stay close by to evaluate his work, plus help bring him supplies.

This was not a good day to wear clogs!

I learned that wearing clogs was not the smartest choice of footwear while trekking up and down three flights of stairs between the storeroom in the back and the apartment up top:

• Down to the first floor workrooms to hunt for trim, and then hike back up;
• Trek back down to hunt for caulk, and then hike back up;
• Trek back down again for vacuum, and then hike back up;
• Trek back down again for paint, and then hike back up;
• Trek back down again for QuikCret, and then hike back up;

That night my calves ‘felt the burn’ and I decided I don’t ever need to join a gym.

Somewhere in between, I convinced Mr.-I'm-In-Charge to finally remove all the @#$#@$ storm doors that he had jammed under the stairwells and every #$#$ corner of the laundry room. (Tenants do not need to be looking at junk stored under exposed stairwells.) For some reason when I stated that I would walk across the street and ask the neighbor to come pick up the scrap metal, he went into action. THAT was a huge accomplishment.

Of course, while trekking up and down, other tenants stopped me to chat, and asked for a cigarette. Do I look like a vending machine?!

And yes, these forays into madness literally did include ditching the kitchen sink that had been rotting in the furnace room.

When this day was done, my brother-in-law took one look at my exhaustion and suggested Taco Bell for dinner. As much as the offer was appreciated, my first thought was, “Crap, I gotta drive?”

However, you gotta admit, driving in an air-conditioned car to pick up Taco Bell is far better than foraging in the fridge for a quick meal—then cooking it!

‘Twas a looong day, new contractor did an outstanding job, outside is looking spiffy with the junk removed, and of course, the pretty flowerpots are blooming all around the parking lot: so much was accomplished.

I just need to get in touch with my feminine self and go get a manicure, and perhaps a glass of wine!

Reasons to Clean Those Gutters

These pictures really don’t need a whole lot of introduction: If you don’t clean your gutters, they become clogged with crap and create mind-boggling planters dangling from your roof. This will truly add great value to your home. Ha!

Serendipity, I just happened to pull into a parking lot, looked up at the jungle, and clicked away with the camera/cell phone.

Homeowners and building managers are now cringing looking at those trees growing in the gutters. Sigh.

Hey, does anyone remember cameras with film? Instamatics? Polaroids? Ya’ know, BEFORE digital stuff and cell phone apps?

For that matter does anyone remember film and having to send away rolls of film for developing, then waiting 10 days to see if ANYTHING worthwhile was in that packet of pictures? If so, you were born BEFORE 1990.